The Remainder of Our Hospital Stay

Dear Conrad,

We spent a large part of your first week in the hospital, due to the fact that you were born via c-section. That first night with you was a mess of emotions for both your dad and me. With all the reading and preparing we tried to do, we still weren't ready for what being parents would be like! (For instance, when you had your first dirty diaper, your dad and I looked at each other and said, "Do you know how to do this?")

I made this pumpkin garland just for your hospital bassinet.

Even though we got help taking care of you, we just didn't sleep well in the hospital. We were so tired all the time. I started to worry that I wouldn't be able to handle those sleepless nights.

At first, nursing you was easy. I thought I was going to be one of those lucky moms who didn't have any problems breastfeeding - one of those moms everyone else was jealous of. But the longer we were in the hospital, the harder it got. To be honest, I'm not sure how much nourishment you were getting originally. I have since read that it takes longer for milk to come in after a cesarean than it does after a regular delivery. You got so jaundiced, and lost so much weight. By the time you left the hospital, you weighed 5 pounds 13 ounces - a 10-ounce loss from your birth weight.

The wreath that Gigi and I made for your baby shower hung on our hospital room door.

Because we were so tired of being the hospital, by Friday we were practically begging the nurse to discharge us. I'd gotten the okay from Dr. Franken. We'd packed everything up. Why can't we leave yet? Eventually they let us go at 4:00 pm, but then had to call us and ask us to come back to the hospital because they never retested your hearing. See, you didn't pass your hearing test the first time, which is pretty common for c-section babies. Lots of fluid stays in the ears after that surgery. The hospital's policy is to test three times, and for some reason, they never bothered to do the second or third test (even though we were there for days.) However, they were very kind to schedule a hearing appointment for you with their specialist, and paid for it as well.

I should have counted my blessings while we were in the hospital, though, because things got a lot tougher when we took you home....

Birth, part 3: Delivery

Dear Conrad,

The actual cesarean was a nerve-wracking experience. There was a new anesthesiologist there, this time a man, who gave me a different type of drug through my epidural for the surgery. He was very charming. He explained the procedure and how I might react to certain things - for instance, that I would probably feel nauseated from the medicine that was given to me. I blew it off at first, thinking I was made of tougher stuff. But then when I was actually in the operating room, I began to feel it. Even though I had been given some anti-nausea drugs, I was going to need more. Fortunately, the second dose took care of it.

I had heard that some people start shaking when they are given the anesthesia for a c-section, but once again, I thought I wouldn't be one of those people. Oh how very wrong I was. I shook so violently that I thought I would shake myself right off the table if I hadn't been tied down to it. Dr. Franken assured me that I wasn't shaking from the waist down, and I couldn't tell anyway since I had no feeling from that point down, but my arms and my upper back were shivering, and even my teeth chattered.

This was the first time I actually got scared while I was in the hospital. I'd been through quite the ordeal in my little hospital room, but being under the bright lights with not being able to control my body and feeling nauseated on top of everything made me scared.

Dr. Franken began the procedure. I couldn't feel the incision, but I did feel something that felt like I was being punched over and over again. A few groans escaped me and Dr. Franken halted the procedure. "No, no, I can't feel the cutting. I just feel like I'm getting punched a lot." The people in the operating room laughed, and I tried to keep my mouth closed. After all, it wasn't the worst pain I had been in today.

Finally I heard the doctor say, "Alright! It's a boy!" and then "It's okay, not all c-section babies cry at first." I was so focused on not shaking that it didn't occur to me to freak out that you weren't crying. But then I heard you whine a few times, and I felt relieved. You were probably just surprised to be forcefully evicted from your comfy home. Mark went over to take pictures of you while I was being stitched up. Soon you were brought over to me, but I had lost the feeling in my arms so I couldn't reach out and touch you. I just stared. Was he really mine? No way....

And so at 8:21 on Tuesday night, you arrived into the world. At 6 pounds 7 ounces, and 19 inches long, you were absolutely, positively perfect.

Birth, part 2

Dear Conrad,

The morning of the 16th got off to an early start, just like the previous morning. I didn't sleep much the night before because the nurse kept coming in to wake me up and readjust my monitors. No changes happened over night. Oxytocin was administered again.

When Dr. Franken came in later that morning, she announced that I was barely a fingertip dilated. How exciting! Except at the same time, it wasn't. I had been in the hospital for 36 hours by now, and I had a feeling that the only way you were coming out was if we took you out by force. She tried using something called a Foley bulb to force dilation, but something went wrong and efforts were immediately withdrawn.

I felt the beginning of contractions in my back, but the older nurse that day kept telling me that they weren't real contractions since I couldn't feel them all the way around my abdomen. I would like to say that all the other nurses I had during the labor part of our stay were fantastic, but this particular nurse kept telling me I shouldn't be in pain during times when I so obviously was. There was a younger nurse with us that day too, and she tried her hardest to make me feel better when I was hurting, but no one could get the older nurse to give me pain relievers.

Oxytocin was turned off after the Foley bulb incident as well because I started contracting on my own, but within an hour or two it needed to be turned back on because I stopped contracting on my own. Because of the problem with the Foley bulb, I was given c-section and epidural forms to sign, just in case you went into fetal distress and I needed to have an emergency cesarean.

Around 1 o'clock, Dr. Franken returned to break my water. I was also given something that would monitor just how strong my contractions actually were. Soon, they started to hurt A LOT. It's weird now that I'm so far removed from them, because I don't remember them hurting as badly as they really did. I got to where it was difficult to talk through contractions. The nurse asked me how bad my pain was. "Eight? Nine? I don't know, but this hurts. Can't I have something?" She asked me where I was hurting. "My back! Ohhhh my back!" No, I couldn't have any pain relievers, because I should be feeling contractions all the way around my abdomen. This was when Gigi and Aunt Christy spoke up and said that they never felt contractions all the way around either, and that we all feel labor pains in our backs. The nurse stood firm. No pain relief now because my body would get used to it and it wouldn't work when it was time to deliver you. They tried to place me in different positions to alleviate the pain in my back. I leaned over the bed, I got down on my hands and knees, and I bounced on a giant ball, but nothing helped.

Soon, I couldn't do anything except cry during contractions. I tried to breathe, but couldn't. I tried to focus on something pleasant, but couldn't. All I knew was excruciating pain. "Where would you rate your pain level?" the nurse asked. I cried. "Breathe! Don't cry!" she said in a less-than-encouraging voice. I cried anyway. Contractions hurt, Conrad. Don't ever think for one minute that you've had pain like this, because there really isn't anything like the continuous pain of contractions.

Aunt Christy left soon after this part to get back home. She homeschooled your cousins from Kindergarten all the way through graduation, and took it very seriously too. She didn't like to miss days and get behind. I hate that she saw me when I was in so much pain, especially because she tried so hard to fix it.

Just before 4 o'clock, I was finally allowed an epidural. The doctor who administered it was funny, which took my mind off of everything between contractions. Your dad was in the room, but he got pushed out of the way by the younger nurse and the intern nurse, whose hands I was supposed to squeeze if the epidural started hurting. I learned I have a small spin from the doctor, who had trouble giving me the epidural without making my right leg feel like it was on fire. I think on the third try she finally got it in the right place, and it was amazing how immediate the relief was. I felt amazing, but also dizzy from the anesthetics. I apparently said some goofy things during this time.

An hour after the anesthesiologist arrived, Dr. Franken arrived to check on our progress. Strangely enough, it was minimal. 75% effaced and 3 centimeters dilated. I couldn't believe my contractions had hurt so badly when I wasn't even close to delivering you. I was discouraged, but since I was no longer in pain, I was able to sleep heavily for the first time since I arrived. I hoped that the next time I was checked, it would be about time to push.

Around 8 o'clock, Dr. Franken came back. She had been watching the monitors of your heart and my contractions out in the nurses station, and your heartbeat was in a dangerous range. At this point I was only 4 centimeters dilated. We agreed that a c-section was in everyone's best interest. Your daddy was given clothes to wear in the operating room and off we went.